No(tice) Judgment

Introduction

We all judge. We make comparisons. Rather than judge – observe with curiosity. Observation creates room for change; judgment creates more baggage.

Judgment often sounds like, “I should know better,” “I always mess this up,” or “They should not be that way.” These thoughts may feel useful, but they usually add shame, defensiveness, or resentment to an already difficult experience.

Nonjudgment does not mean approving of everything. It means seeing clearly before adding labels, blame, or condemnation.

Nonjudgment invites compassion

When we can look at ourselves and others without blame, scorn, or condemnation, we can turn the focus to seeing ourselves and others as people who are doing the best we can in the moment.

Cultivating Nonjudgment

Cultivating nonjudgment starts with being aware of times when we are judgmental. When we notice that we can decide to bring a sense of curiosity to the subject of our judgment.

Pay Attention

NO(TICE) JUDGMENT

We are tempted to judge whenever people don’t act the way we expect them to, or look the way we think they should, or think the way we do.

Expectations are interesting. One of the things we can get curious about that can help dissolve judgment is our expectations. When we expect someone to do something and they don’t do it we tend to get upset. That includes getting upset with ourselves. We set an expectation that we failed to meet, or that someone else has failed to meet.

Those expectations are also built on assumptions, beliefs, and conditioning. These can all be questioned. We can be acquainted with people for a long time and never really know them. Not know what they have dealt with in the past, or what they are currently going through. And, whatever it is will influence their behavior. Unresolved trauma can be one of those things, as well as trauma that is deeply hidden from consciousness can affect a person’s behavior. So they may not, or you may not, fully understand why you do what you do.

PRACTICE

Try this today:

Pause three times during the day.

What am I judging right now?
What is happening in my body?
What story is my mind adding?

Reflect:

Take one slow breath and quietly ask yourself:

What changes when I drop the expectation and just get curious?

Change the Narrative:

When you a notice judgment, replace it with a neutral observation, Instead of saying, “I’m so lazy” replace it with, “I feel tired and have been avoiding this task.”

Key Takeaways:

Clear seeing is more helpful than harsh judgment of yourself and others..
Judgement is connected to expectations, based on assumptions, beliefs, and conditioning.
When you notice judgement see if you can identify the expectation, and get curious.
To judge is to add a story to the experience. Drop the story and note only what you observe.
Remember that you may not know what another is going through and extend compassion.